‘Ananda’ is a Hindu concept that allows you to let go of your earthly attachments and experience divine bliss. ‘Ananda’ is our natural state of being because the universe always has your back. It gives you what we need and not what we want in order for us to learn, grow and evolve into our highest and truest selves. 

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‘Ananda’ is who we all innately are but we’ve spent our entire lives learning to be unhappy, stuck in the hamster wheel chasing desires and goals that we think will bring boundless contentment and joy. 

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To quote Dr Srikumar Rao, author of “Modern Wisdom, Ancient Roots”;  “We’re constantly living in the forced life model of ‘if I get this, then I’ll be happy.” But have you ever stopped to evaluate the times that the things you thought would bring you happiness and joy, brought you pain, frustration, sadness, and anger instead? A good example would be the dream job that turned out to be a nightmare that you were screaming to awaken from.

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Now more than ever, we’re conditioned to get what we want, when we want it. 

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Our achievements and earthly possessions have become the ‘measuring tape’ of who we are as living, breathing human beings. We’re on a neverending race with ourselves and others; getting stuck on the hamster wheel, chasing the next best thing and then subsequently, the next, next best thing. But when do we ever stop to ask ourselves when is enough truly enough?

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Being in the marcomms industry for half of my life has conditioned me to hang my entire self-worth based on the results that I get for my clients, and the number of promotions and pay raises that I’ve attained. But let me tell you that being of Asian descent, female and not often the loudest voice in the room, I’ve been bypassed for career advancement opportunities so often that the number of fingers and toes on both hands and feet are not enough to account for those experiences. 

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From a tender age, I was measured in the classroom and judged by the number of distinctions scored on exams. And as I got older, I was judged by where I went to university, how much income I was earning, the job title I was holding, how accomplished my dates were, and the list goes on. All of this pressure then gave birth to a woman who used to work her little bum off so that she can feel ‘deserving enough’ to the people around her. Worst of all, I was basing all of my self-worth on accomplishments and wouldn’t think twice to hate every cell of me if I failed. 

I’m delighted to say that I’m no longer that woman who was plagued by the above. Through many years of personal development, I’ve uncovered the ‘magic of detachment’ and it has dramatically turned my life around. Believe it or not, there is another way to roll the dice and the best thing is that no matter how the die rolls, you’re going to come out a winner.  

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So what is ‘detachment’? It is “... the art of withdrawing desire from lesser things, letting them fall away, so as to harness their power to reach the heights of what a human being can attain.” according to Eknath Easwaran’s article on ‘The Art of Detachment’ (www.spiritualityhealth.com) 

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If it sounds too good to be true, or too ‘woo-woo’, may I ask that you read on even though you may have checked out when I mentioned ‘magic’. This may be just the key you need to free those shackles of constantly living your life by someone else’s account rather than your own.

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1) Identify your indicators of ‘attachment’ 

We’re all living, breathing human beings with emotions. To truly learn how to detach, we must first identify our indicators of attachment. To help with this, I’ll use an example. Let’s say that you’re presenting a pitch to a potential big client. You’re working day and night at it, rehearsing what you’re going to say, even in your sleep. You wake up at 2 am in cold sweat. Your mind goes into overdrive; “What if I stumble and say something silly?”, “What if the client asks me a question that I can’t answer?”, “What if they say ‘no’?” and the list of crippling questions goes on as you stare at the ceiling whilst your mind keeps spinning. 

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If you start to feel anxious, worried, frustrated, or stressed about not achieving the ideal outcome, that’s attachment. Even excitement could very well turn into anxiety if we let our negative internal chatter take over.

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Emotion is very often the key indicator of attachment. 

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Identify what emotions tend to trigger you as the first step. 

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2) It’s all an illusion 

We’ve all been there. We go all in to achieving our ideal outcomes, but it becomes a problem when we start to place our self-worth into it too. If the end result is less than ideal, we feel smaller than small. Sometimes, we beat ourselves up so hard over it that we somehow convince ourselves that we’re not deserving of our desires. 

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The fundamental issue here is that we place so much meaning into the outcomes, and a whole lot more than it actually deserves.

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The reality is that we’re really after the feeling behind the goal, and not the actual goal itself.  The goal that we’re chasing is simply a vessel, no more and no less.

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But what if the feeling is less than ideal when we do hit that goal? It’s the dream job that has become a nightmare. Then what? We look for the next dream job to fulfil the one that has left us empty, and the goalpost has shifted yet again. This is the soul-depleting, vicious cycle of the forced life model of ‘we will only be happy when we get that.’

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To get out of this, we must first acknowledge that the feeling is the real deal that we’re after, not the actual goal. This way, we can choose to feel happy, ecstatic, grateful, fulfilled etc  RIGHT NOW. There is no need to wait for something to happen to feel like we’ve earned the right to happiness. It is all an illusion. We’re always in a state of change, whether we like it or not. 

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3) Learning to care but not care at the same time

Detachment is learning to be OK with the things that you’re worrying about. Are you going to be OK if you didn’t win that pitch? Start digging deep and be awfully honest with your answers. Journaling is a great tool to help dish out those thoughts swirling around in the ‘worry’ soup that you’re concocting in your mind. 

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If you looked back at times when things didn’t go as planned, was it really as bad as you thought it would be? I would hedge a bet that it wasn’t. 

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Always remember that even when it feels like we’re backed into a corner, we always have a choice and the power to decide what to do about a certain situation. 

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Everything always turns out the way that they were meant to turn out. Even if it really doesn’t feel that way at the time. 

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4) Find the beauty in everything

It may be a cliche but it’s one of my main life mantras. I’m learning to stop labelling experiences as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ and to embrace all experiences fully. We’re on borrowed time and time doesn’t discriminate. We all have the same number of hours in a day, the same number of days in a month and a year. It really is up to us to decide how to make the most of it. 

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Experiences are gifted to sharpen us and help us evolve into the best versions of ourselves. But we first need to learn to embrace all experiences, the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ in order to grow. 

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5) Find your centre

The last but most important tip I have to share when it comes to shedding attachment is finding your centre. What does ‘your centre’ mean exactly? It simply means where you feel the most at ease and in alignment.

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We need to allow ourselves to feel all of the emotions. Let go to let in. Sweeping those less-than-desirable emotions under the carpet isn’t the best thing to do as the dust will always re-surface. Those emotions do tend to get harder to manage the more you try to hide them. 

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Your centre could simply be a feeling. A feeling of bliss that only you can comprehend and that could be brought about by a nice walk out in the sunshine, a run along the beach or listening to your favourite tracks with a cuppa. 

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My centre is my family.’ Whenever I’m feeling lost, stuck and lesser,  I look to my family. Watching my girls play in the backyard, sharing a laugh, and enjoying a glass of wine with my husband at the end of my day constitutes my ‘centre’. I find such peace of mind with this knowing that I’m enough and loved no matter my wins or failure. 

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Use your centre as your compass. It helps to identify when you’re spiralling, and it acts as a guide to bring you back onto the right course. Anytime you feel out of whack, come back to your centre. 

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It’s by no means an easy feat and I’m still very much a student. But it’s never too late to take the first step. By learning the art of detachment, we learn to ask better questions and welcome all experiences so as to grow and evolve. When we stop being fixated on outcomes, we stop placing exaggerated meaning into them. This ultimately means a lot less stress and pressure, and a lot more genuinely being able to enjoy the journey with a deep knowing that you’re going to be just a-OK!

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Ali x

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